this morning I'm writing about cleaning. i like to clean. i like to vacuum. i cannot stand dirty bathrooms - like, they disgust me. there's cleaning of physical space and there's another type of cleaning - of emotional space. i did a bit of emotional cleaning this weekend. coming to a different place emotionally about events or people can be difficult. it can take a long time. it can never happen - read: stuck.
i have always lived on a different vibration. it's just who i am. i see things clearly and simply. wait, i can tie in some of my drafted/discarded second blog entry into this one. about being an emotional oreo. about seeing things black and white. people are very different emotional cookies. i could keep going on and on about different types of cookies, with their colors, textures, added chips or fruits, (i see a future entry comparing people to food on the horizon) but i'll stick to the comparison of me to an oreo for now. some people do not like emotional oreos. they think they're too harsh. too rigid. cold. cold...a word used to describe this cookie several times, even by a therapist. i do think he was describing my behavior toward my husband in the room, and not me, if that makes sense. regardless, it annoyed the fuck out of me to hear, and of course i rolled my eyes and harrumphed. criticism for being the cookie that i am. i didn't, and don't, hide my recipe. the taste is the taste. the oreo won't taste good and hold up to having other ingredients forced inside. why are you trying? the cookie aisle is long. find your cookie.
hell, in the physical cookie world, an oreo can be pulled apart so there's one clean cookie wafer sitting next to the one piled with the frosting. an emotional "oreo" can separate too. see things clearly and simply. no "muck" on one wafer. the other has the frosting. the awesome, sweet, simple frosting of life. eye-roll. this separation is good. requires strength.
as much as i like cleaning, and clean surroundings, it is inevitable to encounter emotional dirt. that's life. i can contribute. my hands can get dirty. i walk through muddy puddles (i don't like to), stomp around and can kick it out. as do others. they can sling it. when i'm hit, what i need to work on is being more like a duck and letting it roll off me. wait, "like water off a duck's back" refers to having no apparent effect. in my world that duck controls the effect so he will let cleansing water work its necessary magic and then move on. it's the only way to live. get clean and move on. so i'm an oreo duck.
this weekend, my cleaning tool was my iphone. unfriend on facebook. unfollow on instagram. block contact. this is not earth-shattering. but it's cleaning nonetheless. i don't need to see/read this "dirt". by no means am i referring to smut by using the word "dirt". that would've been more interesting. no, it's just the dirtying of my mind. wait, that sounds saucy. and again, that would've been more interesting. no, it just needed to be gone. wiped clean. the blocked contact was mud that was really fucking thick and dirty (duh). la maison de mud in Mudville. done and done. (future entry, the turmoil caused by emotional flyfishing)
nothing insanely horrible happened to spur on this cleaning, but nothing good was going to come from still being in the same mud puddle. it was just time to clean. it's good to clean. i think a lot of people are living dirty and should be better cleaners. that's not me preaching, that's not me judging. that's me listening and watching duck friends and family getting slung with mud and just letting it dry even though they weren't playing in the mud with the others. but then again, maybe they were? but beware, mud is heavy and it'll weigh you down.
i'm the oreo duck on the different vibration. i've always been a duck. my mom thinks my "duckdom" came about from me almost dying as a baby. something happened and i grew up with a different outlook. a different tolerance. i found a different body of water to float in. there may be mud on the bottom but i sure as shit don't like to stir it up. i like to be able to reflect in clear waters. i'm a bit of a black-sheep, loner duck but you can come swim with me and we can float around. but if you want to hang in muddy water, i will roll my eyes, harrumph and squawk your ass away and out of my water.
#oreopride --- #duckydidit